Is It Enough
by scythe00
Summary: There are times when giving your all is not enough. Edward never thought it was like that in love until... RoyxEdpost movie
1. Mistake

**Is It Enough? **

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, the characters, or the events that had occurred in the manga or anime that have been referred to here. The only thing I own is the plot and idea for this fan fiction.

Chapter 1: Mistake

_Love, he had said before. It wasn't lust. Not a one night stand or anything. It was love. It was hard to believe that someone could actually love a person like me. But he said he did. And I believed him. Maybe I was just too blind to see anything…. Or maybe a part of me just wanted to play dumb. After all, I do not think there is a person who would not want to be loved… then again… maybe I'm just fooling myself. _

Edward Elric walked towards the military headquarters. He had a report to pass and he knew that Colonel Mustang was going to insult him again. It was as though things were back to the way they were…. However, Alphonse wasn't around to be with Ed.

When they had returned to Amestris, Alphonse and Ed had stayed with Winry and Aunt Pinako. Winry and Alphonse started dating after a few months despite the age gap due to Al being restored as a ten–year–old back then. Edward didn't mind that Al and Winry were together but he did miss a certain someone and after a few months, decided to return to the military. Needless to say, Alphonse opposed the idea. It was understandable yet… Ed couldn't bring himself to tell Al why he wanted to return to the military. In the end, he left and Al had refused to talk to Ed ever since.

When Ed returned to the military, he found out that Roy Mustang was still a Colonel. He always thought the man would get a higher rank but then, he never did get the chance to ask because that time, they had pressing matters to take care of and Ed left to destroy the gate. But that wasn't the only thing puzzling Edward. What was strange was that Hawkeye, Havoc, Fury, and all the others still worked under the Colonel even though they should also have had higher positions already. At least ranking that's high enough to get them to have their own office and not work for the Colonel. It was Hawkeye who explained to Ed what had happened while he was gone. Apparently, Roy had been demoted to Corporal after he had killed King Bradley. However, when Ed first returned from the other side of the gate, Roy had also returned to Central and did a lot in ridding the world of those troublemakers who came from the other side. Apparently, the Fuhrer at that time saw Roy's potential and talked the man into returning to his old position. Since then, Roy had been working hard and had finally been promoted to Colonel just as Ed and Al found their way back to this world. Hawkeye and the others did have a change in rank but they had requested to work under the Colonel and have been doing so ever since. Not that they ever stopped working for the Colonel. They were loyal that way. Perhaps it was also to complete their team but when Ed returned, he was still given the rank of Major, similar to his rank before. Havoc had even joked that it was unfair for Edward to keep his rank when the Colonel had to work for his. But thinking about it, not counting the strangeness in the situation considering the mismatched ranks, things seemed like they were before. It was really as though time made no difference.

Ed sighed as he reached the door to the Colonel's office.

'Well, here goes nothing,' Ed opened the door, prepared for any insults about his height. However, the sight that greeted him was something that he had not expected though it should have been no surprise to him.

Roy Mustang was flirting with a skimpily dressed woman. Said Colonel had the woman sitting on his lap and the woman giggled at something the Colonel had said. How the woman was able to enter the office without getting shot by Hawkeye was a wonder.

Ed fumed and was about to close the door when the Colonel's voice stopped him.

"Sorry I didn't see you there, Fullmetal," Roy smirked. "It's kind of hard for me to see you with these papers on the–!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A TINY SHEET OF PAPER WOULD SQUASH HIM?!" Edward yelled, startling the woman who was still on the Colonel's lap.

"My, what a sign of disrespect!" the woman exclaimed. "Aren't you supposed to show a little respect to your elders, little boy?"

Edward's eyebrow twitched a bit but before he could explode, Roy quickly interrupted.

"Maya, I have to get to work now," Roy said. "I'll see you next time, okay?"

"Sure, Roy," the woman, apparently called Maya, giggled. "I'll give you a discount again the next time you come to buy flowers. I'm sure the little girl in the hospital will never forget your kindness, bringing her flowers everyday."

"She'll never forget your kindness for giving her an extra rose," Roy smiled charmingly before the woman exited the office.

When the woman was clearly out of the military grounds, Roy finally turned to the blonde alchemist.

"Well?" Roy smirked, waiting for the blonde to get angry about being called short.

"Here's the report you want, bastard," Edward threw the report at Roy.

"I'm sure you've made minimal damages this time," Roy said sarcastically, eyes scanning through the report though not really absorbing any of the information in it.

Ed bristled.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE WON'T BE NOTICED EVEN IF HE HAD JUST DESTROYED A WHOLE PIER?!" Ed screamed at the Colonel. Ed suddenly gulped when he realized what he had just said.

"What?" Roy suddenly placed the report down the table, resting his hands on the table and leaning forward. "You destroyed a whole pier?"

Never mind the damages that Fullmetal had caused long time ago. Those were all buildings anyway. But to destroy a whole pier? Of all the important places to destroy….

"Fullmetal, can't you ever do a mission without destroying anything?" Roy asked, trying to keep his temper in check but failing as he scolded Edward. "The military may be able to pay for the damages but consider the effect this certain damage will make! The pier is one of the most important places in a certain country! I would have thought you were old enough to actually make proper decisions! Can't you think about your actions like an adult or does your age actually match your little stature?"

"And I supposed you're adult enough to make the right decisions?" Ed bit back, hotly.

"Probably not since I keep getting you out of trouble!" Roy retorted.

"Then it probably explains why you still lie like an amateur kid!" Ed yelled, a bit hurt at Roy's words but not showing it.

"Who's lying?" Roy's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. He was seriously tempted to snap his fingers and fry the small alchemist in front of him if it could only help the man think better.

"You are, you bastard!" Ed clenched his hands into fists. "Otherwise, those flowers I find in my dorm every night would have been in the hospital for the little girl! Unless you think of me as that little girl!"

"Ed," Roy sighed, massaging his forehead. So the blonde was jealous. "Ed, you know I love you, right?"

"Do I?" Ed's voice wavered. "You can't even tell her the truth. You can't even tell her that you already have someone. It can't be because of the law because I'm no longer underage. And it can't be the Fuhrer because his own General is involved with another guy."

"Ed," Roy tried to explain. "There are circumstances. And I have a reputation to keep."

"Oh, so it's just the reputation?" Ed asked, enraged.

Roy glared at Edward.

"Maybe you don't care about your reputation but I do about mine! I told you that I don't mean anything I say to those women so why can't you trust me? If you don't trust me, then I suggest you leave."

"You don't mean that," Ed said.

"Yes, I do," Roy said, coldly. "I'm tired of trying to talk my way out of things every time you mess up simply because you can't contain your jealousy."

Edward gritted his teeth but didn't lunge at the Colonel. Instead, he turned and left the office, tears threatening to spill. He noticed Hawkeye, Havoc, Breda, Fuery, and Falman looking at him. He just glared at them.

"What are you looking at?" he growled but didn't wait for their answer.

"Hey–!" Havoc started but was interrupted.

"Shut up," Ed muttered, slamming the door as he left.

Havoc and the others, with the exception of Hawkeye, looked at each other. Then, they looked at the Colonel's office. This was one of the few times that the Colonel and the blonde alchemist got into a serious fight and they wondered how long it will take for the two to make up this time. So far, the longest record had been two days.

"Taisa did it bad this time," Havoc muttered. A small click got his attention off the argument between the Colonel and Edward. He looked up to see the barrel of Hawkeye's gun a few meters in front of his face. "Okay, I'm going back to work and shutting up now."

He quickly went back to work.

Riza Hawkeye placed her gun down and looked at the door Edward had slammed shut. It was true that the Colonel and the Major had constant arguments. In fact, it was already a usual occurrence every time the blonde alchemist would come to report. It's also true that they have had serious quarrels… but why did it seem different now?

* * *

Edward just stayed on the ground. He was sitting outside an abandoned warehouse. Since the warehouse was still part of the military, Ed didn't have to worry about civilians seeing him, and since the warehouse was no longer being used, Ed didn't have to worry about anyone in the military finding him there. In short, he could be alone.

…_. If you don't trust me, then I suggest you leave….. _

Edward clenched his hands into fists as he remembered the Colonel's words.

…_. I'm tired of trying to talk my way out of things every time you mess up simply because you can't contain your jealousy…._

"Contain my jealousy, huh?" Edward muttered bitterly. "If only that were easy. If it were, I wouldn't be the only one with the problem."

Maybe it was his fault. Even at his age, he still couldn't control his temper. He still got mad even at the slightest comment regarding his height. So perhaps he really needed to grow up. But then… but… was he not justified for getting angry this time?

Ed curled up and buried his head in his knees, which he hugged close. He didn't have anyone to talk to now. Al was mad at him because he joined the military again even though he didn't need to. He never told Al the reason and only Winry knows. Women's intuition probably. Nevertheless, he told her to keep it a secret because he didn't want Al to know it. Otherwise, his brother might come after Mustang if the man ever hurt Ed. Ed knew that he and the Colonel kept bickering so he didn't want Al to mistake it as the Colonel hurting Ed. After all, Ed usually made things worse. Another reason, and probably the most important, why Ed didn't tell Al was that he didn't want Al to think badly of him. How will Al react when he finds out that his older brother loves another man? So Ed didn't say anything to Al and his silence made his brother angry. Ed lost his brother because he wanted to be closer to Roy. And now? He didn't even have that. The reason he joined the military was no longer clear in his mind.

'I guess,' Ed thought, smiling bitterly, 'I made a mistake.'

TBC

Author's Notes: I actually had another story planned even before this fic came to mind. This, however, was the first I had started to write since I never wrote down the first idea I had. This is my first attempt at FMA fan fiction so I'm afraid I'm not so good. I do hope you all enjoyed reading though. Please leave a reviewif you have the time!


	2. A Conversation with a Wise Man

**Is It Enough? **

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, the characters, or the events that had occurred in the manga or anime that have been referred to here. The only thing I own is the plot and idea for this fan fiction.

Chapter 2: A Conversation with a Wise Man

Two weeks had passed since Edward walked out of the Colonel's office in anger, though nearly in tears. Havoc and the others could feel the tension in the air. It was as though the whole place was just waiting for Edward to suddenly enter the office and apologize. Not happening though. The Colonel may be too proud to apologize but apparently, so was the Major. It was surprising though. Normally, even the most serious of fights couldn't last long simply because the two parties would end up seeking each other out to apologize. Rather, Edward would apologize and Roy would do so after. But now, the blonde alchemist wasn't in and it didn't look as though he would be returning soon. They were now stuck with a disgruntled Colonel who could barely focus on his work and would snap at the slightest comment. Mustang had nearly burned Falman's military jacket when the man had entered the Colonel's office to pass on a message. Roy would have done more had Hawkeye not drawn her gun and threatened the Colonel with it. That wasn't the only incident that had occurred and every time, it was just Hawkeye who put a stop to everything. At that point, everyone chose to report for work only when they are certain that Hawkeye was already in. Never mind the fact that they would be punished for coming in late. It was probably better than being burned alive.

When the uneven footfalls came, everyone in the office stayed silent. When the door opened to reveal the missing blonde alchemist, everyone but Hawkeye shouted with joy. Hawkeye simply smiled.

"Ed!" Havoc and the others gathered around the blonde alchemist, joy evident in their faces.

"I never thought I'd say this but… I'm so happy that you're back!" Havoc carried Ed and swung him around.

"Oi! Put me down, Havoc!" Ed flailed about, trying to get down and avoiding the others as they tried to smother him to death. "What the hell is wrong with all of you?! Oi!"

In the midst of noise, Hawkeye detected a slight difference in the small alchemist. As she watched Havoc and the others swing the cursing alchemist around, a small envelope from Edward's coat fell to the ground. Hawkeye picked it up and was about to give it to Edward when she saw the writing on the outside. Her eyes widened slightly before turning to look at the blonde alchemist who was now on top of Breda. Edward had his automail foot on top of the Breda's back as he pulled Breda's arm for calling him short.

"Who's the shrimp now, huh?!" Edward asked as Breda pounded his free fist on the floor, yelling obscenities. Edward smirked and got off, allowing the man to stand.

"But seriously, Ed," Fuery said. "We've been worried."

"And Taisa's been a pain in the ass the whole time you were gone," Havoc muttered. Havoc yelped when two bullets missed him by a few centimeters.

"Huh?" Edward turned to look at Havoc as though waiting for more explanation. It was Fuery who gave the explanation instead since it seemed that he was the only one who could do so without insulting the Colonel and suffering from Hawkeye's perfect aim.

"The Colonel has been quite irritable lately," Fuery said. "He snaps at the slightest things and well, it's become so scary working here."

Ed scoffed.

"Come on," Ed laughed. "How scary can the bastard be anyhow? Besides, he probably got busted by some woman somewhere."

"Not happening," all the guys muttered, deadpanned.

"Fine!" Edward rolled his eyes. "What did he do anyway?"

"He burned Falman's jacket when Falman went to deliver a message," Breda said. "He also broke Fuery's glasses when he threw back the box Fuery brought him."

"Edo–kun," Fuery pleaded, "please do something! I don't want to face a scary taisa again!"

The light in Edward's eyes dimmed as he heard their pleas. However, it was only Hawkeye who noticed this.

"Fine, fine," Edward sighed, trying to pry his arm off from Fuery's clutches. "I'll be going in now."

He walked towards the Colonel's office.

"Uh, Edward," Falman started. He held a large envelope. "Could you bring this to the Colonel since you're on your way to see him?"

"Sheesh!" Ed complained, grabbing the envelope. "Cowards! Letting me do all the work!"

* * *

When the door of his office was opened with such great force, Roy Mustang knew then that his little alchemist was back. 

"So, bastard," Edward sauntered in, smirking, "I heard you've been quite a horrible boss lately. I guess you missed me, huh?"

"Hn," the Colonel smirked. "As if. I was grateful for the peace."

"Yeah, well, I guess you have to say goodbye to peace while I'm here," Edward threw the envelope Falman gave him towards Mustang's desk. "Here you go."

With that, Edward quickly left before the Colonel could say anything more.

* * *

Roy was about to call the alchemist back but Edward was gone before he got the chance. 

'Damn!' Mustang raked a hand through his hair. He didn't even get the chance to make things right. Just because Edward was back to his old, disrespectful self didn't mean that things between the two of them were resolved. After all, he did see that despite the exchange of words, it was all an act.

* * *

Edward leaned against the door of his dormitory room and sighed. He allowed himself to slide down till he was sitting down with his back leaning on the door. 

Things weren't going according his plans. He actually returned to personally deliver his resignation letter to Mustang so that he could see the man one last time before he leaves permanently. He didn't expect things to go the way they did. He seriously did want to go away. He spent two weeks reflecting on everything and finally came to a decision. He just didn't expect that Havoc and the others were having just as hard a time as he was while he was gone. He wanted to leave desperately but he didn't want any of them to get hurt either. So he decided not to give Mustang the letter and just acted as though everything was all right between them. However, it hurt. Seeing the man only made him realize just how much he had wanted to abandon everything. He just wanted to go away and disappear, never to be heard of again.

'But here I am, unable to leave,' Edward thought sadly. 'I just… I just want all this to be over!'

* * *

After spending a few hours in his room, Edward decided to go out and walk around. He was passing by the Fuhrer's office when something occurred to him. If he had a mission, he could leave and Mustang wouldn't be quite as irritable since the man probably thought that everything was okay now, right? If Ed were to be sent to a mission, Mustang would just assume that the alchemist will be back so there wouldn't be much damage. 

With that in mind, Ed knocked on the Fuhrer's door before turning the knob.

"Excuse me," Edward peeked inside the room and found the Fuhrer on the floor, setting up toy tracks for the toy train nearby.

Ed sweatdropped.

"Ah, Edward!" the Fuhrer, Alexander, exclaimed. "Come in, my boy! I was just setting this up to test the train. It's a new model, I heard."

Edward walked in, feeling a bit awkward. He stood in front of the Fuhrer, unable to get his mind to work.

"Don't just stand there," the Fuhrer gestured at Edward to sit down. "Sit down – no! Not the couch! I'd feel so small if I have to keep looking up at you when we talk."

Hearing the last statement, Edward's uneasiness seemed to disappear. He smirked and sat down the floor across the Fuhrer.

"I guess it'll make up for all those times you've called me short," Edward said.

It may seem disrespectful but the Fuhrer was quite a nice guy and knew of Edward's way of dealing with people. He was strange though. Nevertheless, Edward liked the man. The man looked a little like an older version of King Bradley though and at the start, it had unnerved Edward and the other soldiers. Sometimes, Edward was tempted to ask if the Fuhrer had a homunculus for a son or something but Mustang had covered his mouth before he could say anything.

The Fuhrer laughed at Edward's reply and continued setting up the tracks. He handed a few to Edward and Ed took it as a sign that he was to help.

"Sir, you are strange," Edward remarked as he connected two train rails together.

"Hah, but you like that, don't you?" Alexander laughed.

Ed had to smile as he remembered the first time he saw the man.

"_He's the Fuhrer," Havoc told Ed, gesturing towards the man who was speaking onstage._

"_That old geezer?" Edward asked before Havoc slapped a hand over Edward's mouth. _

"_Shh!" Havoc moved back and released Edward, the alchemist giving him a death glare. "For once in your life, shrimp, keep your voice down."_

"_WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A BACTERIA WOULDN'T EVEN SEE HIM?!" Edward burst out, attempting to strangle Havoc but failing. _

_All heads turned to look at Edward. Edward suddenly noticed and gulped as he looked at the displeased look on most of the Generals' faces. _

"_Edward," Roy started threateningly. However, he wasn't able to continue because someone had started clapping._

"_Bravo!" the old man onstage laughed as he applauded. "Such spirit! That is what we need in the military."_

_Edward would have laughed at the shocked look on everyone's face if he weren't so shocked himself. _

"_Ehem," the Fuhrer cleared his throat and began to speak seriously. "Anyway, like I was saying before, being in the military doesn't mean you're better than anyone else. Nor does it mean that you're at a lower position. It simply means that you've all decided to protect what you feel is important. We are here to protect the people and maintain peace. For those who are wondering why I punished the two soldiers who killed a few rebels, I will explain why I did so. It is true that the rebels have been causing trouble. Some of them may have hurt your friends. But remember, they are also fighting for something they believe in. If you want to kill someone because they believe in something different, then I surmised there won't be anyone left in this world. I have mentioned this during the first time I arrived, but I'll repeat it again: As much as possible, do not kill. Try to reach a common ground. All of you are supposed to protect people. You are all supposed to protect lives, not destroy or take them away. Casualties are unavoidable at times, but if you can stop a war without unnecessary killings, then choose that method. Only then will you be able to become a hero without any dark thoughts plaguing your mind as you sleep at night. Those two soldiers didn't even try to talk to the rebels or listen to their story. Instead, they started shooting. I don't care what reason you all have for being here but as long as I am around, let me make this clear: All of you will become respectable men and learn to appreciate lives. If you do not agree with my standards, then I suggest you resign from the military. This is no place for cowards."_

_Murmurs started to surface among the crowd. Mostly from people who couldn't understand how it is possible to stay in the military and not kill. Edward didn't care though. He was still thinking back on what the Fuhrer had said._

"_Well, looks like you got someone to actually agree with what you do, huh, shrimp?" Roy smirked, seeing the surprised look on the blonde's face._

_The expected outburst didn't come. Instead, Edward just took one look at the Colonel._

"_Mustang," Edward pointed at the Fuhrer, "I like him." _

_Mustang just looked at Edward, face unreadable though he was surprised at the statement. Edward doesn't usually go around claiming he liked people. Besides, Mustang thought that the blonde would be muttering about how the Fuhrer was training soldiers to become wimps even though Edward would secretly admire the man for such principles. _

_Edward gave a cheeky grin. _

"_So I guess you should stop trying to become Fuhrer now," Edward said, smartly. "Because I like him to be the Fuhrer. Besides, I think this time, we won't be having as much wars. That way, none of us will be forced to do anything that we'll regret someday, right?"_

_Apparently, the last statement was loud enough to be heard because the Fuhrer had laughed._

"_Right you are, my little friend," Alexander, the Fuhrer, laughed._

_Edward's eyebrow twitched a bit._

"_WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT A STRAND OF HAIR WOULD SEEM LIKE A GIANT BEANSTALK TO HIM?!" Edward yelled, struggling against Havoc and the others as they held him back. _

_Chaos erupted and amidst all that, the Fuhrer's laughter seemed to bring a light atmosphere to the place which was usually associated with death and degradation._

"So," the Fuhrer started, placing his train on the railroad, "to what honor do I have for this visit?"

"Ah," Edward hesitated before starting again. "Sir, I would like to request for a mission from you, if possible."

The Fuhrer suddenly lost his playful look. At that moment, Edward could see the face of the man who was able to win over the respect of, not only the military, but even the people.

"You are assigned to work under Colonel Mustang, am I right?" the Fuhrer asked.

"Yes, sir," Edward nodded.

"Does he not have missions for you?"

"He…. No, sir."

The Fuhrer just studied the blonde alchemist across him.

"No," the Fuhrer said finally. "I do not have any missions for you."

"The rebellion in Lior!" Edward burst out, desperate. "Send me there! I will help!"

"I cannot," the Fuhrer turned away, taking out another train from the box he had beside him. "I will not lose anymore valuable people."

"Neither will I!" Edward replied. "I have friends in Lior. If there are no soldiers who can resolve this without unnecessary killings, then let me try."

"We are evacuating the people," Alexander told the boy. "There have already been threats and I fear the rebels will do more than just get back at the military. They have refused to cooperate and I cannot allow any more killings because this might make rebels out of civilians who see their own people being killed."

"Then let me try to help," Edward insisted.

"Why do you insist on doing so even though we've already started to evacuate the people?" Alexander asked.

"Because…." Ed looked down. "Because then, they will be left without a home again. And maybe, things will again become like before."

Edward looked up, the fire back in his eyes.

"I do not want to see people lose their homes," Edward said in resolution. "Besides, I'm planning to resign soon. So at least, let me have this last mission. Please allow me to have at least a small accomplishment before I go."

"Why?" The Fuhrer asked. "Why do you want to leave? And you've already done so much."

"Not enough," Edward said. 'Not enough to merit his love.' "And my reasons are my own."

"Edward," Alexander started, "Even if I would give you your request and allow you one last mission, I will not allow myself to give you a mission that may also be the last time for all of us to see you alive."

"I'm not going to die," Edward said stubbornly. 'Besides, I am already dead to most. A dead person cannot die again.'

Alexander was silent for a while. Minutes seemed like hours to Edward. Finally, the Fuhrer stood up and got a folder from his desk. He handed it to Edward who had also stood up when the Fuhrer did.

"Everything you need to know is inside," Alexander said. How he hated himself for this – sending the boy he thought of as his son to war.

"Thank you," Edward bowed and was about to leave when the Fuhrer said one last thing.

"You are worth more than you think, Edward. How could you not be enough?"

TBC

A/N: Please leave a review if you have the time. Thanks!


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